I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
