I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
