legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
