hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
