Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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