Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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