Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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