he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the day after is always just damage control
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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