i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
