It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
