Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
