I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
