Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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