he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize