its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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