i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
