so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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