Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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