WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize