dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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