The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
