U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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