I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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