cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You dont lie about slip and slides
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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