When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
