I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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