i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
