I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
