I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
