I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
