I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize