Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
