Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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