my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
