I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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