I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
