PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
