If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
