Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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