I wish my penis had an off switch
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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