we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
