I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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