Who wears a wallet chain?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
