and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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