This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
