did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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