I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
