Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
