I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
