And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I could have mohawked her pubes.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
