just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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