so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
