I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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