dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
