You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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