Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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