you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize