you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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