I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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