Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
