Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
