PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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