Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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