Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
