I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
