We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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