I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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