Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize