was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
