I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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