my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
