I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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