Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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