Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
