Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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