these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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