Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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