i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
