about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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