dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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