we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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